The Flingstress’s Guide to Kissing. What NOT To Do.

Kissing can be one of the most enjoyable activities on earth. Unless you commit some of the following egregious errors. Educate yo’self!

Ladies, we’ve all been victims of this. He leans in, you close your eyes and BAM! He dives in tongue first! It’s normally an extremely stiff tongue too. Gross! Guys, I’ll make it easy for you to understand – lips should ALWAYS make contact before tongue. Always. There are no exceptions to this golden rule. ESPECIALLY on a first kiss! Are you kidding me? Bottom line: Lips before tongue.

Yes, you look sexy with a five o’clock shadow. We all agree. What I don’t appreciate is having my chin rubbed raw from your stubble. Kissing should NOT be painful. I should want to kiss your for hours – not wonder when this sandpaper torture will be over. If, after we’re done kissing, I look like I’ve skidded across pavement with my face, chances are I won’t be kissing you again. Bottom line: Shave or have a beard that won’t leave me with road rash.

Do the words “slow burn” mean anything to you? They should because this is how most women operate. Passionate kissing is awesome – but you know what is more awesome? The anticipation of said kissing. Make the woman want to kiss you more instead of making her think about how to pump the brakes. Bottom line: No one wants to make out with a puppy dog.

Maybe the grossest offense although it’s a toss up with Torpedo Tongue. This is when a man sticks his tongue in your mouth and leaves it there. Like it’s just in there. Not moving. Not exploring. Just hanging out. Bottom line: If you are putting your tongue in my mouth, you’d better have a plan for it.

Oh yeah. This one is super hot. You’re out with a great guy and at the end of the night he goes in for a goodnight kiss. Except his lips are hard and tight. And it reminds you of when your grandma would kiss you. There is no tongue and barely any movement. Huge libido killer. Bottom line: Soft lips, fellas. If I want a tight-lipped peck I'll call your grandmother.

I don’t think this one needs much explanation. Ever seen the movie A Perfect Storm? That's what it's like kissing you. Fluids flying every which way... the feeling that I might drown at any moment. Bottom line: I shouldn’t need to wipe my face with the back of my sleeve when we’re done kissing.

Now you know what NOT to do. Stay tuned for my guide on how to become a phenomenal kisser.