Men - A Biological Clock: You Has One.

This is a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Flingstress.

Friends, recently I learned, to my amazement, that men also have a biological clock. And that mother fucker is ticking.  

Let’s look for a moment at the section just before men hit the big 4-0. Washington, DC is one of the drunkest cities in the country. Our happy hour culture is unrivaled. So men (and admittedly women) booze their way through their 20s and 30s. It’s uncommon to know people under the age of 25 who are married in DC. Your 30s are touted as your 20s only with money. So now you have the ability to buy bottle service, top shelf liquor and wine older than you are. BAM.

Something happens, though. At some point it inevitably hits you. Maybe it’s the nieces and nephews that start appearing or the last single buddy getting hitched or the receding hairline that unfailingly greets you in the morning.  Oh shit. I’m 40. Time to get serious! And you still have time, right? If you date a woman under the age of 35?

You sign up for online dating. You write to women in their late 20s and early 30s saying that you’re “young at heart” and “still looking to start a family.” You unfortunately use the term late bloomer a little too often.
 

Here’s the thing… Men looking for love over the age of 40 is NOT the problem. I applaud you. HOWEVER, if you are only willing to date a woman MUCH younger than you, I perceive that as unjust.  One way I preserve my sanity is by only dating men who are willing to date a woman their own age. Men think, erroneously, that they do NOT have an expiration date because “hey, that one dude had kids when he was 65.” It is my duty, folks, to inform you otherwise. Anything less would be irresponsible.

Check out my reputable resources:

The Biological Clock, Ticking for Men Too

 

http://www.nytimes.com/ref/health/healthguide/esn-maleinfertility-expert.html

“For men over 40, there’s almost a six-fold increase in autism disorders in their children compared with men under 25.”

The Best Age to Have Kids

 

http://www.menshealth.com/health/when-should-you-have-kids

“Once you hit 30, he says, testosterone levels begin to drop by one percent each year. By your mid-30s, mutations begin to occur within the DNA.” 

THIS is what happens as you age. That’s right. Your sperm is DYING!!!  

So guys, if you don’t care about decomposing sperm or DNA mutation-riddled children, by all means… continue fucking around. But don’t say you weren't warned.