If She Were President, She'd Be Babe-raham Lincoln

I like Colin’s profile immediately. He’s smart, ambitious and enjoys helping others – he volunteers! SWOON. Under the “activities that you enjoy” section he states that he likes running, swimming, biking, the occasional cross dressing, watching terrible kung fu movies and hanging out with friends. Well, alright.

We discuss our mutual love for costumes and he is the only guy so far on Match.com to compliment me on my Wayne’s World costume. (Most guys are COMPLETELY turned off by how well I can pull off Wayne Campbell.) For a cute girl, I certainly rock the crap out of being a man. One time, a chick thought I was her soul mate because she was dressed as Babe-raham Lincoln – and she tried to make out with me. Schwing!

Colin makes it to a second date and we’re having an immensely playful conversation. I tell him that I think his profile is funny and that most guys take themselves SUPER seriously. He looks at me inquisitively and so I continue about how the “occasional cross dressing” line thrown in there is hysterical.  He stops smiling.

Oh. You. Were. Serious.

Colin is buoyed by my reaction. And his dance moves are *quite* atrocious. He looks surprisingly pretty as a woman, especially given the fact he's a handsome manly man. He’s scared that I’m going to disappear. That’s when I say “I’ll see you on Saturday and I’m bringing my wigs.”

I show up to his apartment in a short blonde bob wig looking fabulous. I feel like a mobster’s wife. À la Michelle Pfeiffer in Scarface:

I have a long, black wig and a wavy, red wig with me as well. Colin and I are having a blast – laughing and giggling as we trade wigs.  I’m truly having a good time but two things hit me as I’m adjusting the black wig on him… a. this feels like being with a girlfriend and b. this is fun because I love costumes (if I could do it all over again, I’d be a costume designer for Broadway musicals).  But for him this is something sexual.  Sigh.  He’s disappointed and honestly, so am I. Why can’t there be chemistry between us? Am I not open-minded enough?

I learned a few important lessons. 1. You can NEVER judge a book by its cover… this guy was waving his freak flag underneath the clean-cut, conservative government employee exterior. 2. When someone says they cross dress on their Match.com profile, you should believe them. 3. I can’t date a man who looks better in a ball gown than I do. Period.