To Answer The Question: Yes. This Happens.

A guy recently seemed incredulous when I told him that men ask women out on the same night they'd like to see them. "No WAY any guy does that!" he said with full sincerity.

Why yes. Yes they do. Even after gently telling this man that your schedule is quite robust. AND after multiple (failed) attempts to try to see you on the same day. Do men actually want a puppy dog? Someone that is waiting around... just in case he calls and wants to see you? Let me keep my schedule wide open because at 6:30 pm you might decide you want to see me. Pshhhhhhhaaaaahhhhh.



I know I should have just said something mature like "My schedule isn't such that you can ask me same day..." or "It works better if I have a little notice" or "I'm on a dating hiatus right now from men - especially men like you." Instead I went for the Wayne's World reply. Apparently I have the humor of a 13 year old boy.

The fact he didn't understand my Wayne's World speak only further validates that he's not the guy for me. It also shows he's not the quickest in reading social cues and dealing with social situations. He told me on our first - and only- date (months ago now) that he only dates women with big tits. ::shudder:: He used the word "tits." WHY? Why would you say this to a woman you've just met? Scratch that. Why would you say that ever? Even if it's true.... it's one of those things you can keep to yourself. And keep that word to yourself, too. Barf.

Admittedly a random post - I apologize. But it's an effort to show that I'm no longer tolerating jokers. I'll close with some gems in case you haven't seen the movie in a while:

"Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries."

"If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset."

"A gun rack... a gun rack?! I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack?"

"She will be mine. Oh, yes - she will be mine."

"Ribbed for her pleasure. Ewww."

"Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played a girl bunny?"

"No Stairway. Denied!"

Nothing Good Happens After 2 AM

It’s only been a few days since I decided to go on my hiatus from dating. It’s Friday night and I’m at the hockey rink –where else? After the games all of the teams head to Rock Bottom for beers.

For the past few weeks, someone has been sending me drinks anonymously. The second time it happens I ask the bartender coyly “Darlin’, are you sure it isn't YOU who’s sending me these drinks?” He smiles and says that it’s a guy who comes down regularly on Fridays who is sending them. I suggest that he communicate to my unidentified benefactor that a. my drink is actually Irish whiskey on the rocks and b. I’m not that scary – he should just talk to me.

After more than a few beers (and another mystery drink) I’m headed home when I get a text from Joe. Remember Joe?http://flingstress.blogspot.com/2012/03/sinners-you-are-all-sinners.html He and I have stayed in touch and still communicate once in a while. He says that he wants me to come shoot pool with him and his buddy at his house. In Reston. WHAT? I tell him I’m in no shape to drive to Reston. He says “I’ll pay for your cab – just come hang out with us!” Well, hmph.

I go inside, drop my hockey equipment and rummage around in the bathroom to make myself presentable. My roommate wakes up (it’s 2 am at this point) and says “roomie, where the hell are you going?” I look at her and don’t know how to answer. I sheepishly tell her that I’m going to hang out with Joe – no big deal. Incredulously she says “At 2 am? Yeah right. What are you thinking?” She’s right. I know she is. I dial Red Top to cancel the cab.

BUT at that same moment I get a text message saying my cab is waiting outside. Shit. I decide that if the cab is there, it means that I’m supposed to go. I walk outside. The cab is waiting.

I get in and I’m thinking about what I’m doing. Why am I going to Reston at 2 am? I hate playing pool. And Joe is kind of a jerk. I know he’s only interested in one thing. These thoughts are running through my head when all of the sudden I’m *literally* jarred back to reality. Syed (the cabbie) hit the median! I’m as pale as can be… it scared me half to death and the poor guy is apologizing profusely. THEN. Thump. Thump. Thump thump thump... You guessed it.  Flat tire.

I’ve ridden in a lot of cabs. I’ve NEVER had a flat tire in one before.  Seriously?! How many signs do I need to let me know this is a terrible idea?  Joe is texting me like crazy telling me to hurry up and actually wants to speak to Syed. “Tell him your boyfriend wants to talk to him.” Umm. Weird. But whatever. I hand Syed the phone. I have no idea what Joe says to him but when I get back on the phone he tells me to hurry my ass up.

We get back on the road. I close my eyes and think “No, I’m not doing this.” At the last moment – right before Syed is about to get on the freeway – I say…

I truly believe that God is working in my life. When I didn't listen to my roommate (who normally sleeps through my late night entrances), God put yet another roadblock in my way. I made a conscious decision to stop dating so that I could clear my head and my heart. And here I am jumping into a cab to hang out with a guy who treats me poorly. It was a powerful moment. A liberating one. Joe was pissed – but guess who doesn't care? THIS girl. Sorry I’m not sorry, buddy.

I’m done. Done with players and idiots. Done with man-children and emotionally-stunted men.  I’m ready for more. I’m ready to find “him.” Well, after my dating hiatus, of course.

Thank you, Syed, my guardian angel cabbie, wherever you may be.