Friday, March 7, 2014

Seduce a Man With Your Eyes. And Crutches.

April and I are going to a concert in Baltimore to see an artist she likes.  We decide to make a trip out of it so I rent a cool room through Airbnb (check it if you don't know what that is) in a funky Victorian row house.

We assume that the concert will be at a coffee shop or art gallery... from the website it looks smallish and hip. We follow the iphone to the venue's address. Nothing. It's a residential street. No cafes, coffee shops, etc in sight. Hmmmm... We park, get out and ask a cop nearby about the concert. He smiles and points to the large synagogue behind him. Ha!

Apparently the synagogue hosts a music series. I'm highly amused. April feels badly since this isn't the "vibe" we were hoping for but I'm totally on board for a strange basement synagogue experience. Let's get weird, people!

The artist we are here to see, Toby Lightman, is a kickass female singer/songwriter. She rules:  

We go inside and find seats in the second row! It's a mix of people... mostly older folks with a few teenage girls. April gets me situated (I'm still on crutches and majorly a gimp) and then runs off to buy wine - thank GOD they're selling adult beverages here.

I see him immediately. He saunters in alone. He's tall. Handsome. Swarthy. He takes a seat at the end of our row. I glance at him a few times during the concert and wonder what's his story. Who comes to a synagogue on a Saturday night to watch an acoustic jam? And alone? Intriguing, indeed.

At the end of the show we are waiting in line to talk to Toby. Tall man appears and he and I exchange a quick, flirty glance. April catches it and rolls her eyes. "Seriously? I can't take you anywhere." What? I'm just smiling. Sheesh. She goes to the bathroom and leaves me propped up against a pillar.

It's so ON. Swarthy man doesn't miss a beat. "I'm Levi." Well hello, Levi. He has intense blue eyes and a mop of curly black hair. Trouble with a capital T.

We chat for a few minutes and he's in the middle of telling me why it's a mitzvah to have sex on the Shabbat when April returns from the bathroom. She throws me a knowing look and says to Levi "I can't ever leave her alone."

Our conversation turns serious when he mentions he's recently divorced. Ah okay. Yes. This makes sense now. Handsome men don't just go to concerts by themselves and approach women on crutches to tell them about sexual laws in Judaism.

He asks if he can walk us to the car since we are in a questionable part of Baltimore. He helps me into the car and I know he wants to ask for my number. In a very un-Jamie-like fashion I say "okay, thanks! BYE!" and shut the door. April, wide-eyed, asks me what just happened. She quickly follows it by saying "don't get me wrong... that man is pure trouble. But I'm surprised you didn't go for it."

What can I say? I got a super naughty vibe from him (he was talking about sex IN the synagogue) and I don't want to be a recently divorced man's rebound.

Oh. But apparently it IS a mitzvah (command) for *married* couples to have sex on the sabbath. So Levi was right about that.

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