So Not a Date Movie

Amir and I have been friends for a while – going on 6 years, in fact. I met him playing in a coed soccer league when I first moved to DC. I always found him attractive. Stocky, black, great smile and terrific soccer player. Yum. He was dating someone at the time, though. And then when he tried to holler, I had already started dating Joseph. We kept in touch and still saw each other occasionally. He definitely pounced when he found out my relationship had ended. Thank you, facebook.

He used my birthday as an excuse to take me out to a fabulous Italian restaurant downtown. I looked hot. I felt sexy as hell and his approving look and subsequent compliments let me know my efforts were appreciated. Dinner was lovely – sparkling wine… sparkling conversation... sparkling company. He made me feel like a million bucks.

So what is my problem then? Why oh why did I get super squirrelly when he went for the kiss goodnight? It’s never happened to me before! This squirmy business. I mean, kissing is my jam – it’s what I’m good at. But when Amir leaned in, I froze. And I wasn't quick enough to give him my cheek so he got a half-mouth kiss. Groan. It was terrible. I was so awkward and embarrassed. We fumbled around and mumbled our goodbyes. Ughhhhhh.

I’m hoping to redeem myself when he calls and asks me to a movie the following week. What movie does he want to see? 50/50- the new Seth Rogen comedy. Within 20 minutes of the movie’s start, we find out the protagonist has spinal cancer. He’s 27. What. The. Fuck. I did NOT sign up for a cancer movie, people. I feel the tears coming. No. No. Please no. There are many scenes between this man and his mother and it hits a little too close to home. When I was home for my birthday I told my mom I never would’ve been able to go through my break up without her. My mom is a breast cancer survivor and the thought of losing her is unfathomable. Oh Jesus. And the waterworks begin.

Amir looks over at me a few times and I try to hide the fact I’m crying albeit not very successfully. He is surprised to say the least. The torturous movie is finally over but the tears won’t stop. Damn it. We are sitting alone in the semi-dark movie theater. Amir is staring at me with what looks like concern mixed with extreme fear. There is nothing a man hates more than a crying woman. NOTHING. The worst part is I can’t even explain why I’m so affected or emotional. The sobs rack my entire body and it’s the kind of crying that makes talking impossible. I’m horrified.

We haven’t gone out again. Weirdly enough it’s not because he didn't want to. He made it clear to me he was interested and willing to give me the time I needed. The truth is this: how do you recover from that? It’s too fast, too intense and too intimate. He saw something that very few people (especially men) ever get to see. As a warning to all of my fellow ladies, I’ve written a little poem.

Awkward half-mouth kisses
Are not the things he misses
Worse - tears on a date
And you’ve sealed your own fate