Are You *$&#$&% Kidding Me?

I would like to momentarily interrupt our normal programming to bring you a segment called, “Are you ::insert expletive:: kidding me?”

I go on a date with this guy for drinks in Chinatown at Cuba Libre. We have a decent time and he even sneaks a kiss in at the bar. At this point I’m thinking I’d go out with him again. He had walked to the bar and asks for a ride home. I should know better. When we get to his apartment, he asks me to come inside and hey, I can’t blame a guy for trying. But when I say “no, thanks” it should stop there. It doesn’t. He asks four or five more times. I grow more and more uncomfortable and am tired of being nice about it. Finally, after what seemed like a half hour of begging, he gets out of my car. He asks me out again (via text, of course. Ugh.) to which I respond that I’m not interested. He pushes for a reason so I tell him the truth: I should only have to say “no” once. He doesn’t take it well and accuses me of being too sexy and for kissing him at the bar. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

I decide to try online dating. Eek. I meet a nice Vietnamese guy named Van on Okcupid and we agree to meet for drinks at Front Page. He’s very cute… except for the fact he looks exactly like Joseph’s younger brother. I can get over that, right? Van is super sweet and I get the feeling he’s very much feeling the vibe I’m laying down. Still, I didn’t expect what happens next. He pulls out his phone and says “I’m just going to delete my Okcupid account right now.” I respond “no, no, don’t be silly – don’t do that!” to which he says “I don’t need it anymore... I’ve found you.” ARE YOU EFFFFFING KIDDING ME?

After hockey one Friday night I meet some friends for a drink downtown. A mutual friend of theirs was handsome, latino and funny. Trifecta! He asks for a ride home since I have wheels and he took metro. Wait. How does this keep happening? When will I learn? We get to his place and he kisses me. Okay, fine. THEN he yanks the keys out of my ignition and takes off running toward his apartment. He gleefully shouts “now you have to come inside!” I sit dumb-founded in my car and you bet your ass I’m refusing to move. ARE YOU *$&#$&% KIDDING ME?!