Big In The Pants

I meet Dan on Match.com. We exchange a few emails and he quickly asks me to meet him for an adult beverage. I like his style - not messing around. We meet at Ragtime (a cool "dive" bar - as casual as you will find in Arlington) and thankfully he looks exactly like his pictures. The conversation is easy. Dan is HYSTERICAL. I can't remember the last time I've been on a date with a guy this funny. He has the sort of self-deprecating humor that cracks my shit up. After two dazzling hours of witty repartee I decide I want to see Dan again.

Second Date Dan (as I've come to refer to him) calls me and asks me to go bowling in Annandale. It turns out I'm a pathetic bowler. Thankfully he is also appallingly terrible. But the kisses we steal in between turns make me soon forget about the score. After two rounds of admittedly sad bowling we call it quits and head to the only open bar in Annandale.

The bartender comes and personally introduces himself to us and memorizes our names. Um. Okay. After learning it's our first time to frequent this fine establishment he offers us free shots. What. Is. Happening. Where are we? Dan and I are both equally cynical and think there MUST be something nefarious going on here. People just aren't nice like that. No way, Jose.

When we tire of speculating what underhanded business the bar is a cover for, we head to his car. Second Date Dan (soon to be Third Date Dan in my opinion) has an interesting combination. He's sexy while at the same time being goofy. Not many guys can pull it off. We're kissing when he pulls away and puts my hand on his thigh.   

I laugh so hard my face hurts. He recovers nicely and has the grace to laugh it off. I'm not sure what he expected me to do/say. Swoon? Ask to see it? "I'm big in the pants" becomes a catch phrase with me and my girlfriends. "I don't know if you know this but...  I'M BIG IN THE PANTS." It becomes even funnier when you throw on an Elvis accent. Try it. Go on.

Second Date Dan still becomes Third Date Dan after this incident because hey, the guy makes me laugh. So what if his pick up lines are truly awful.

After our fourth date - and me still NOT verifying the validity of his big penis claim - I never hear from Dan again. I get the feeling he is used to women jumping into bed with him. And when he realized it wouldn't be happening any time soon, he decided to take his big pants and move on. No hard feelings on my end - it's better to learn sooner rather than later when a guy is only interested in showing you what's in his pantalones.