I won’t beat around the bush, people. I recently met a man
who was unabashedly entrenched in Dominant/submissive culture.
Looking back I suppose there are signs I could’ve seen. On
our first date, he asked me how much I weighed. WTF. Who does that? THEN, when
I wouldn’t tell him, he picked me up and curled me. CURLED me! As if I were a
dumbbell at the gym. He put me back down and said “Yep, that’s what I thought.”
Admittedly it was kind of hot. I’m not a small girl by any means, so it was
sort of fun being picked up like a doll. Ted is definitely a strong, strapping man.
On our second date he just laid it all out in front of me.
He said he had run into the problem of connecting with women until he reveals
he hopes to have a dominant/submissive element in the bedroom. So now he just tells them upfront. He
just puts it all on the table.
So Ted is giving me a bunch of scenarios (and mind you, we
haven’t done anything physical at this point besides kissing) and I’m trying to
maintain an open mind. THEN we are discussing boundaries.
The beginning of a relationship (any relationship, even
friendship) is precarious. If you reveal too much too soon, it will scare
someone off. If you hold back too much, you won't be able to build a meaningful
relationship - and it will stay in the superficial realm. There is an
inclination to "lay it all out there" because "if he/she is
meant for me, he/she will accept me." I call this emotional vomit. I've
been guilty of it myself (telling people too soon about my disengagement/past
relationships and watching their eyes glaze over).
We are all freaks and want to let our freak flag fly, but I
say bring it down half-mast until you recognize the approaching ship as friend
or foe. Had we gotten to know each
other and he slowly started to sprinkle some of his kinkiness in, that might've
been a different story. Instead I
ran for the hills because, let’s face it, you never get to come on my face.
Sweetie, the reason why some of these men are being so advanced to you is because it's going both ways. I'll put it this way...it doesn't seem like it's THAT hard to get a kiss from you on a first date. Dating many women myself through the years, I felt that I had to earn those kisses...and I truly believe in that. I just think you need to hold off on them until things start actually look promising on your end! Giving out a kiss on a first date is definitely showing willing to advance at any age...so keep that in mind and maybe guys won't feel led on when they're out with you :-)
ReplyDeleteVinny,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts. I think you're right... Whatever I've been doing hasn't been working. When I really like someone, I want it to go slow. And I want to develop a friendship first. That would be ideal. Even though DFMs are fun... they haven't led me to my soul mate.
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ReplyDeleteNot a prob Jamie. Believe me, i'm not trying to be critical to you in any way, but as someone standing on the outside, I could see a pattern. What you went through was definitely a nightmare to say the least i'm sure, and i'm glad I have never gone through that. But the one thing I have learned in dating in recent years (and no i'm not Dr. Phil, lol), is that things happen for a reason. When you try to force the issue, it usually never works out. Just sit back, and the person who's right for you will come when you least expect it. I know this from personal experience...I used to always do EVERYTHING and ANYTHING to try to make things work with women to no avail. Of course, the moment I FINALLY learned to stop doing that and just to let things happen on their own, I found the one for me...somebody I always felt wouldn't even give me the time of day. Just go have fun girl! And believe me, the moment you truly stop caring about finding that right one will be when the right one will find you.
ReplyDelete